Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
