Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
