I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
