Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
