There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
