My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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