all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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