just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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