im six kinds of drunk right now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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