I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
