we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
