Your tits are I can't wait for
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
