my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
