Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
