I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize