why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
