The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
