There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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