Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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