If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And then he peed in my hair
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