we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize