I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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