Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
