I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
