This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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