I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
