now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
