i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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