thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
