I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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