I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
