I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this boner is exhausting
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
