We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
