i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
