My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
