please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
