Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
