I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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