Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
