so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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