just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
