i think i have herpe
just one?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
