I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
