I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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