I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize