I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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