Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize