I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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