My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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