Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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