or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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