apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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