I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
