It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
