Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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