Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
