The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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