We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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