i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
