Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
