At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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