you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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