The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
