he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
