I cockslap morals
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
