i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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