I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
