so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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