Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize