there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
