I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We have started to decorate penises.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Randomize
