I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i think i just lost a toe
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
