dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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