There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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