i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
