the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
