I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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