dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
its not stalking. its research.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
