I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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