You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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