i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
