We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
