Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize