last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize