I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
