There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
