I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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