Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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