Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
