I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
