You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
