I think my vagina is haunted
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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