Having a random hookup so left but love u
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
