A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
