So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
