Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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