Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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