youre lurking in front of me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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