it hurts more in the daytime
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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