I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
