This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
