You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
