wakey wakey hands off snakey
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
