It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize