I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
