Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
