I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
