I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
