Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You had me at "let me see your balls"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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