Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
