I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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