Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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