you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
