i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
