wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
